Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Scared

Connecting Love and Fear

By Jennie Allen

Last night we were driving home from dinner with some friends. It was late and the houses glowed with lights and stories and lives. I knew each house held people whose existence was somewhat rooted in their little home.

As we drove up to our home, I was gripped with fear. The for-sale sign sat slanted on the edge of our yard. All our roots are feeling a little uprooted lately. We are only moving across town, but with a lot of other simultaneous changes in our life I have that feeling you get when everything is spinning and you can’t put your feet down. It’s a combination of worry, fear and insecurity.

We worry about the things we most love. I spin and I worry about the things that matter most to me.

I value connectedness with my people, building a home and memories for my kids, stability, and neighbors who feel like friends. When all those things feel jeopardized I start spinning inside.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33 (NKJV)

Something about that for-sale sign was a poignant reminder that I am not home and I am not even sure where home is going to be.

And the fears that I feel with that impending reality send me spinning. But those fears – our stuck places – are by their very design reminders of our need for God and our hope for a different home.

God moves into the spaces where everything feels undone and spinning, and he asks us, “Do you trust me? Do you trust me when your life is out of your control? Do you trust me when your husband loses his job? Do you trust me when your child is rebelling? Do you trust me when you are being misunderstood? Do you trust me when you are craving to be married and there is no boy in sight? Do you trust me when I ask you to risk your comfort, your security?”

We won’t be here forever; another kingdom is coming. And when it comes... when He comes, He wants us to be waiting for Him. But many of us will be holding things we value more. Those things we hold and spin over, they are idols. He is jealous for our affection and our trust, and rightly so. He is God, our Creator and our Redeemer. As we worry and spin, and pretend there is no God, He watches us. He sees us doubting His provision and plan.

No one ever told me before I signed up how insane Christianity is. No one told me it would cost me everything. But in surrendering everything, we find freedom.

What things do you love or fear more than God?



Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher who is passionate about inspiring a new generation of women to encounter the invisible God. Raised in a Christian home, Jennie heard about God her entire life but not until high school did she see her need for Him. Since that time she has been teaching groups of girls and young women about her God. Her first Bible study, Stuck: The Places We Get Stuck and the God Who Sets Us Free, will release in October 2011. To sample Stuck, visit www.StuckDVDStudy.com. For more on Jennie, visit www.jennieallen.com.


3 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your life and faith and hope. We recently moved to Seminary in our mid forties with our last daughter at home. Life in connection with God is all about change, hard changes. But He is faithful and provides beyond our wildest imaginations. Again and again.

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  2. I think trusting God is a practice that takes time to develop. As women, we take care of everything, so when situations arise that we can't "take care of" on our own, we can become fearful if we haven't practiced "trusting God" on a regular basis.

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  3. I am a male who accidently found your blog, its really good. Thanks for sharing!

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