Thursday, February 10, 2011

Create an Oasis for Passion

Dear Friends, 

Life is busy.  With the demands of work and family, there is often little time or energy for romance in a marriage.  But that doesn't mean it isn't important.  With Valentine's Day just around the corner, here is some timely advice for couples on how to carve out their own "marital oasis".  

With Love,

Jill Briscoe
Executive Editor

By Bill and Pam Farrel

It was a cold, clear January night. The stars flickered in the sky like individual candles calling lovers into one another’s arms. The ballroom lights were romantically dim. Music softly serenaded as a musician friend stepped onto the podium in the ballroom and announced, “We are here tonight to celebrate the righteous red hot monogamy of Bill and Pam Farrel.” The crowd laughed and we looked at each other in shocked amusement.

A celebration of love
As we were recovering from her statement, our oldest son stepped onto the podium to say grace for our 25th Anniversary Dinner Gala we were sharing with 300 of our friends. “Hi everyone. I am Brock Farrel, the first product of my parents’ righteous, red hot monogamy.” It was at that moment that the concept for our book, Red Hot Monogamy, was conceived. It is possible to keep the passion alive in a ministry home after 25 years! So what helps fan the flame in the fast lane? Ministry couples will need to carve out a marital oasis.

Oasis of T.I.M.E.
We suggest that couples make some T.I.M.E. for love. Here is what we see as a helpful time commitment for maintaining the connectedness needed for a strong healthy marriage:

Ten to twenty minutes to talk together alone everyday.
Invest in a weekly date night (or breakfast or lunch) together. (Couples need to emotionally connect before they can physically connect!)
Make a monthly day away policy. At least once a month, spend 8 to 12 uninterrupted hours together. This can be anything youboth enjoy—to maximize this, make sure you schedule a few moments for red hot monogamy sometime during this 8 to 12 hour block of time.
Escape quarterly (or at least bi-annually) for a 48 hour weekend getaway. 

Oasis of Space
Most ministry-minded marriages lack privacy. To gain a little alone time, you will have to create the space to experience it. Often, even if you try to go out for dinner or a date, people recognize you and want to socialize and you find your precious minutes together being whittled away by small talk with people other than your mate. So think about creating a space at home for a little romance.

Create a special place for two
We encourage couples to discover their romantic personality and decorate their bedrooms to enhance their love life. For example, we have discovered that even a messy room looks neater when lit by candles, so we buy a candle as a memento on all our trips together. When one of us is “in the mood,” we simply light the candles (our version of a smoke signal!).

Another couple scanned the “Penny Saver” ads each week for a Jacuzzi. Friends told them they would never find one for the few hundred dollars they had saved, but they prayed and trusted God; and within a month they discovered an ad placed by a couple who had to move quickly. That couple practically gave the spa away! On your next date, ask, “What one change can we make to our room to make it a more romantic place to be together?”

Romance helps create a healthy marriage; a healthy marriage creates a healthy family, and healthy families create a healthy church. Give your church some strength for tomorrow by giving yourselves an oasis today. 


  1. Woo Hoo!!! Red Hot Monogamy! Now that is a God concept for sure!